That’s it! We’ve seen our very last film of 2017 and have for some reason then insisted on sitting down and putting them all in order from best to worst.
I recently enjoyed playing the “Guess how many films we saw in 2017?!” game until all my friends kept ruining it by guessing 150+ (which is 3 films a week, thanks for the support everyone), when it was actually a now seemingly low……….
Which is equal to 1.5 films a week or a film every 4.4 days. Daisy actually saw 81 as I opted out of Fast & Furious and King Arthur so she wins the cinema game that no one asked us to play. Woohoo! Have we saved the Odeon money or crippled them even further? Who can tell!
A general preview of the order we put these in would be –
Last: Stupid films
High-Medium: Films that were too saccharine
Low-High: Films with feminist themes
High: Arthouse Films
Very-High: Films about gay men
Conclude from this what you will.
81. Fences – The most boring film in the whole world ohmygod I prayed for death
80. Silence – I literally didn’t remember this even 1% when I saw the ticket
79. Live By Night – “Who should play the role of man who has sex with lots of ladies in this film I’m directing? I believe I shall do it!” – real quote from Ben Affleck
78. Pirates of the Caribbean: Salazar’s Revenge – Too dark I couldn’t see anything.
77. Justice League – So boring even Wonder Woman couldn’t save it.
76. Toni Erdmann – 3 hour long German comedy. Yep.
75. War of the Planet of the Apes – I tried to go to sleep but it was so loud it kept waking me up.
74. The Dark Tower – YOU CAN’T MAKE THIS INTO ONE FILM
73. Alien Covenant – Don’t remember this at all
72. Assassins Creed – Thank god for Michael Fassbender taking his top off.
71. Star Wars: The Last Jedi – Fell asleep for an hour but when I woke up the story hadn’t progressed even slightly
70. King Arthur: “Rough and Ready!” – Daisy Otton
69. Fast & Furious 8 – “Fast and Furious. Literally.” -Daisy Otton
68. The Jungle Bunch – A French cartoon so bonkers it made us question all of our life decisions that had led up to us watching it at the cinema on a Sunday
67. The Mummy – Very stupid
66. Logan – I fell asleep because I don’t care about werewolves
65. American Made – Tom Cruise didn’t even run anywhere and I felt nothing
64. Kingsman 2: The Golden Circle – The novelty has worn off
63. Dunkirk – WHY WAS IT SO LOUD?
62. The Greatest Showman – Too ridiculously saccharine and too many plot holes. How is a homeless child keeping up with his pen pal?! HOW?!
61. Spiderman: Homecoming – I remember that it was OK-ish but that’s all I remember.
60. Mindhorn – Very stupid but quite funny if you were in a weird mood or had a hangover maybe?
59. 50 Shades Darker – We had a wine buzz on but so did everyone else in the cinema which made for a very good atmosphere.
58. Despicable Me 3 – Daisy was drunk but I remember it being passable
57. Wind River – Made me feel very cold, too much snow.
56. Lego: Ninjago – Did this one here.
55. A Bad Moms Christmas – Again had a wine buzz on which definitely made it more enjoyable. People in the cinema laughed A LOT.
54. The Boss Baby – Relatively enjoyable.
53. Brigsby Bear – Sweet and unusual, sometimes too much so.
52. A Dogs Purpose – Overly sentimental but I cried about 14 times
51. The Disaster Artist – Absolutely bonkers considering we haven’t seen ‘The Room.’
50. Viceroy’s House – Kind of can’t remember it but recall that it was pleasant.
49. The Death of Stalin – Did it here!
48. Their Finest – I remember there was a good bit where someone died.
47. Hacksaw Ridge – Andrew Garfield’s face was VERY annoying.
46. The Sense of an Ending – Daisy had to remind me heavily but when I remembered I recall it was good, if obviously not memorable.
45. Wonder – Perfectly inoffensive but still heavily saccharine.
44. Guardian’s of the Galaxy 2 – Not as good as the first one but alright I guess?
43. Kong: Skull Island – Went to this drunk on a Sunday afternoon and thoroughly enjoyed how ridiculous it was.
42. Lego Batman – Awesome but sadly ruined by all the children in the screening. The bloody nerve of it.
41. A Quiet Passion – Made me want to read more Emily Dickinson, which obviously I have not achieved.
40. Captain Underpants – Sorry to the makers of A Quiet Passion but this was actually very funny.
Who will win? Will we just put Jumanji at the top?! Is Jumanji actually just the entire top 40?! To be continued….